Newsflash 82

See you all on Saturday June the 7th. FTPA is a bit far into the month this month, because the first of June was a Sunday. But you probably realized that. Must dash, can’t stop playing the amaaaaaaazing new album by Cut Copy - Cor! XXX

Newsflash 81

Hey, thanks to all of you who came to FTPA on April 5th. It's great being back in the first Saturday slot. Things got a bit dotty at the end of last year, with us, Nervous Twitch and Super Dynamite Boogaloo all being on the same last Saturday. Started getting mighty crowded. Now fings ain't so crammed. Which ironically means we's back to being really busy. Fun night. Big fun. Ben Psychofag was sexy and smashing as per. He's a Brighton boy at last, you know? Hurrah! Only trouble is we've been told to turn the noise down. It's a council thing with Candy Bar and a neighbour, and it should be resolved before the next Fuck The Pain Away. Oh, and you may have noticed Candy Bar is currently called Ca dy Bar – due to an incident involving their sign, our banner and a very strong gust of God's wind. Sorry Kim! We're back on Saturday May 3rd – details of extra special excitingness that we got planned will follow shortly. Currently loving the stunning new debut albums by those potty-mouthed Paris boys The Teenagers and Neon Neon - cause the world needs more sublime Electro concept albums about 80s business scandals… See ya real soon. XXX

Newsflash 80

I know some of you are feeling a bit sad about having to wait until Saturday April 5th for the next FTPA. So I asked the lovely Pee Thug from Chromeo if he had a joke - in French - he could tell you to cheer you up. Take it away, Pee Thug. "Trois bon hommes attendent un quatrième pour une partie de golf. Alors que ce dernier est en train de régler les parcours, ils discutent de leurs enfants respectifs: Le premier dit: "Mon fils a si bien réussi dans l'automobile, qu'il a offert une Ferrari jaune à un très bon ami." Le second dit: "Le mien a tellement réussi dans l'immobilier, qu'il a offert une maison avec piscine a un très bon copain".Le troisieme dit: "Le mien a si bien réussi dans la gestion financière, qu'il a offert un portefeuille complet a un de ses meilleurs amis." Sur ce, le quatrième bonhomme arrive, et on lui demande ce que fait son fils. "Oh ! moi le mien, il est homosexuel répond-t-il. Il travaille dans un bar gay comme gogo-dancer". Silence gêné des trois autres.... Lorsque le dernier rajoute: "Mais il ne doit pas être trop mauvais au lit, car dernièrement il a reçu une Ferrari jaune, une maison avec piscine et un portefeuille de valeurs boursières." Ha ha-ha! Classic. Thanks Pee Thug. See you on Saturday April 5th. XXX

Newsflash 79

Hi! This really is a newsflash!!! Hrnk! Hrnk! FTPA is moving back to the first Saturday of the month, starting on April 5th. Stop moaning, you only miss a week. This is rather good news for us, for lots of reasons. Happy! See you then, then. Love you lots XXXX

Newsflash 78

Yo dears! Welcome to 2008. We had a rather amusing trip to Poland at the beginning of January. Flight delayed by several hours. Stuck at Gatwick watching people drinking their duty free allowance. And as these were all Polish and English people that was ALL their duty free allowance. Oh dear. DJ Wanker left his passport on the plane and almost wasn't allowed in the country. Got to the club in Warsaw after 2am. Funny how clubs in eastern Europe fall into two types; rather rustic and basic squat parties and posh ones for swanmunchers. This was the former – our kinda place. DJ Wanker and Ben from Psychofags went to Lodz on the Saturday. Had a fantastic time – several hours of which I can't account for, but came to at a party trollied and blessed out. Oh, by the way the artist formerly known as Psychofag In Bin Bags is now simply Psychofag. He did this partly to avoid confusion with our chums Dead Dog In Black Bag. Sadly, the girls split up last month (Newsflash: They might have reformed – hurrah!) January's FTPA was fun – and funny. Quiet – but it's January and there's a recession on and no one's going out anywhere, so thought; "Ah well, we won't take it personally..." But at 2pm the place was rammed! As A-Dam said; "How European!" Loving the new albums by Alex Gopher, Miss Kittin and Hot Chip. The best fing ever right now is Hercules And Love Affair – with my tallest mate Antony doing some singing. Fascinating FTPA fact: Part of the reason we started Fuck The Pain Away was cause I wanted to put on this wonderful singer that nobody had heard of in 2003. Then we realised that the stage at Storm was too small – even for a giant. Me and A-dam are wondering how many, if any, of these revivalist 80s ElectroPop live things we should go and see. Dare? Replicas? Yazoo? My favourite – mainly for its audacity and insanity - is Sparks recreating all their albums over 21 nights in London in June. Tempted to go to the No 1 In Heaven one. Anyway, In Every Home… A Heartache is on Friday February 15th. Fuck The Pain Away is back on Saturday February 23rd. Love you to bits. XXXX

Newsflash 77

Ooh. And dear. I'm feeling a bit tired and emotional right now. It was wonderful and heartbreaking to see Jean Genet do their last ever show at FTPA last night. Man! But weren't they just the best? Like, ever?! I feel like sitting round playing LCD's Someone Great on a loop. Perhaps I am. Massive thank yous to the very sexy and the very smart Bob and the very lovely and the very smart Helena for doing it with little old us. We'd have sex in the toilets with you two any old time. I'll critique your reading list later (Foucault?? Judith Butler??? You crazy kids!) Reform! Now! Oh go on, do a Take Spice Zeppelin. Where was I? Dunno. Oh yeah - see you in Warsaw. So looking forward to this one! And a big shout out to the other town in Poland we're going to that I can't remember the name of. In Every Home… A Heartache is on Friday January 18th. And it's someone's birthday. Wooh! Then Fuck The Pain away is back on Saturday January 26th. Nice one. Top one. Get Sorted. Love you lots… XXX

Newsflash 76

Right – Kitsune Maison Five has just rolled up. My copy is made out of solid gold. 1. Fischerspooner – The Best Revenge: Kind of okay, but then we liked their "difficult" second album. Involves horns, wrongly. 2. Broken – Token Kitsune guitar nonsense. 3. Addicted – Alan Braxe. Think this only exists to give the lie to that "Electro House" nonsense. Bah!. 4. To Yourself – David E Sugar. Weirdy French bloke with tech retro synths. If I was doing a DJ reaction chart, I'd tick the "Early set" box. 6. XR2 – MIA. Can we not talk about MIA? 7. Yeah!!! It's a mad mix of Homecoming by The Teenagers!!! This is what we want from Kitsune. Oh, this is good. Great rumbling bass line, then the drums snap. 8. Pardon Garcon – Autokratz – Yup! Prowling synth line, pitch shift heaven. I got wood! I knew Autokratz wouldn't let me down. 9. Digitalism – Pogo (Digitalism Robotic Ya Ya…) This is fine, but I did not like the album. Bit "House-y". Anyway. 10. Aerius Light – DATA. More Electro House. Blimey! 11. Let's Make Out – Does It Offend You, Yeah! It's a fucking racket. Next! 12. Circulate – Rex The Dog. Knock out hit from the early summer, Mr The Dog. I like the "Go!" samples as it reminds me of taking poppers at Club Shame. Next! 13. Fuck Friend – Bitchee Bitchhe (CSS Remix). Went to see CSS in Brighton last night, and she got hit in the face with a shoe and refused to come back on. 14. Friendly Fires – On Board. French nonsense. Snore! 15. I Wanna Be A Style Crusader – Big Face. Yes!!! Almost. Nice trilling piano line, then it goes a bit boff boff. 16. I'll Never Know – KID. Totally top, old rave type new Chromeo sampling madness. This is sublime. Cheers, Gildas. 17. Kalzas. To Cut A Long Story Short. I do not like Cazals. Or Spandau Ballet. I hated this last month, and hate it more now. 18. Secret track: Yelle: A Cause Des Garcons. Song of the year. Maybe. Sort it out, Gildas. X XXX

Newsflash 75

Right. We got loads going on. So check this. On Saturday December 29th, it's the Fuck The Pain Away Fuck Christmas Party. The wonderful Queercore Disko Punk pranksters Jean Genet are playing live. This is their last ever gig ever ever EVER – which makes us feel rather sad, but honoured. Then we step into the Tardis and go back in time to Friday December 7th, when DJ Wanker ruins the first birthday party of In Every Home… A Heartache. Miss Pain are playing live, and Lady Dye and Von Doogan are playing some rather rocking records. On Saturday December 15th, DJ Wanker heads for London's trendy Shoreditch to play Foreign with Scottee, Jodie Harsh, The-O and K-Tron live. I am so cool. Hey! Guess what? FTPA returns to Warsaw on Friday January 10th. We'll be at Saturator. And we's taking young Ben from Psychofags with us. Should be fun. We got loads more good stuff coming up in 2008, but that's all for now, lovertits. Oh, and by the way, there's a beautifully written feature on the history of alternative gay clubbing in Brighton in the new GScene. Read 'em and weep. XXXX

Newsflash 74

BACK IN BUSINESS! The fucking news page is working again. Yeah!!! Even my old mum asked what was happening (Hello mum!! It's a turn of phrase...) Rum old typeface, innit? (Hello, Typeface!!! It's a turn of phrase...) Sorry we been away so long. It's been three fucking months. Fucking server. We've changed them now, so it won't happen again. Promise. So where you been? How's the new boyfriend? How's the wife taking it? I feel a bit like a terrorist who's just kidnapped someone and gets them to hold up a copy of today's newspaper just to show this is contemporary. Anyway, we're both playing The Warehouse in Bristol on Saturday November 3rd. I'm playing In Every Home… A Heartache at The Cowley Club on Friday November 2nd. It's a night for queer anarchists in love and all that. Jean Genet is playing. FTPA's got Punx Soundcheck playing on Saturday November 24th. Sorry. This is a bit rushed. I'm a bit drunk. You know how you get in after going out and make a sandwich? Not quite what you'd hoped for, but basically there - tomato paste everywhere - but it's a sandwich. Which is better than nothing. Yes? Forgive me. Can't be bothered to do all the fiddly links things. Wasn't it just the best ever when I dropped Killing In The Name Of Justice at 4am on Saturday? I know, it's all me me me, innit? That Jonty Skrufff was pretty rocking though, too. Cheers Jonty. Then - woompf! - Fidelity Kastro! Ace. See ya soon, kidders. XXXX

Newsflash 73

news working again...

Newsflash 72

Hej! Some listings magazines say it's FTPA on Brighton Pride night, Saturday August 4th. Dunno where this came from, but it's not true. Repeat – not true. All our August dates are as stated in Newsflash 71 below... Okay? Oh, and one more thing, our good pal Rudefag is playing All Time Top 100 at Cosmo Bar on Friday August 3rd. See you there and everywhere. XXX

Newsflash 71

Five dates for you diary. Saturday July 28th – Fuck The Pain Away. FTPA is thrilled to get a return appearance by Psychofags In Binbags - the supercute and stonkingly talented Electro Queercore Teenage Superstar - live! Cor. Saturday August 4th - Queer Mutiny – In Every Dream Home A Heartache. An alternative night post-Pride for radical queers, anarchists and their admirers. On the decks Von Doogan, Lady Die & DJ Wanker, playing everything from Glam to Girl Groups, to EBM to Electro, to Psychobilly to Surf. And live... Peepholes. @ The Cowley Club , London Road. From 8pm - Late. Sunday August 5th - South English Scum: Shibby Shabblers Vs Fierce Vs FTPA. The coming together of the big guns of the alternative gay scene. And the only proper way to end Brighton Pride Weekend. With Fifi, Munroe, Pookie, DJ Wanker... It's a big ole Indie Electro mash-up. Wooh! @ Candy Bar. 8pm - Til we all fall over. £5. Friday August 17th – Ted Chippington Live! Get ready for the funniest man in the world - official! Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted! etc. Plus DJ Wanker and Jim Smith playing some suitable records and a rather good live band. This is only just confirmed - so details are a bit sketchy. Just wanted to share the great, great news... @ The Prince Albert, Trafalgar Street, Brighton Saturday August 25th – Fuck The Pain Away – The Fourth Fucking Birthday Party. Celebrating four years of being ahead of our time - with A-Dam, Missy, Tamz, DJ Wanker and the whole damned gang! Plus a rather amazing super secret surprise guest. Tis a bank holiday weekend, too, you know? Yuk yuk yuk...

Newsflash 70

Hrnk! Hrnk! I've just been sent the Boys Noize album, Oi Oi Oi - Oh, sweet Jesus and fuck. It hasn't got TV = Off on, but we'll cope. The next single & Down - and that's not a typo - is so cool. Superfresh! Sorry, I've just come everywhere again.

Newsflash 69

Now that was fan fucking tastic! Great crowd. Thank you, all of you. Great DJs. Thank you A-Dam and Missy. Great band. Thank you Beauty Skool Dropout. But above all... Thank me! FTPA is back on Saturday July 28th with the return of Psychofags live!!!!!!! Talented, teenaged and tip-top totty – what's not to love about this Electropunk superstar? We'll also have some lovely stuff to give away to celebrate the release of the totally brilliant Coburn album. If you can't wait til then to get your hands on a copy of this, probably our favourite long player of the year – we'll send one to the first few people who email djwankersucks@yahoo.co.uk telling us how great they think FTPA and Coburn are. We love you all so much. DJW xxxxx

Newsflash 68

Dear Mr Rushent, Fank you so much for coming down and playing at FTPA. You played many of our most favourite records - and you made 'em too! From Pete Shelley's Homosapien to Human League's The Things That Dreams Are Made Of. Cor! And you were the loveliest bloke we've ever worked with. It was an honour and a great, great pleasure, Martin. Thank you. Anyway, Fuck The Pain Away returns on Saturday June 30th - and we've got Brighton's most favourite Electropop boy-girl duo, Beauty Skool Dropout playing live for you. That's Fifi from Fierce's band, you know? Course you did. Loads of great new albums to listen to until then; Alloy Mental (Belfast hardcore mentalists - with guitars), Chungking (local girls make good! With Richard X! Can't be bad), Client (Alan's bird – nicely "Martin Rushenty" hook-laden early 80s retro), Digitalism (boing boing), Justice (French Grange Hill single good - album overrated by idiots who just rewrite press releases cause they know fuck all about dance music), Calvin Harris (Scotch - definitely not on the rocks- ha ha!), Lindstrom (Uhhh, comes everywhere… 70s big fat synth sound heaven), Simian Mobile Disco (It's da beat! Etc. A fucking unquestionably ace album), and Kitsune Maison 4 (Actually a bit disappointing, after volumes 2 and 3, but it's still really great..."Going down town with the drugs in my body..."). I'm particularly loving the new long players Fancy Footwork by those crayzee Canadian boys Chromeo and the stunning - and well funny - debut by long time FTPA favourites Coburn. Currently listening to... New Order Lowlife. Ask me about me and Hooky next time you see me. Have fun til next time, DJ Wanker XXX

Newsflash 67

Not long til the next FTPA yet, with Martin Rushent on the decks. Me? I think it's going to be a bit like this! See you on Saturday May 26th, lovertits. XXX

Newsflash 66

Oh. Fancy seeing you there. How the heck are you? Wasn't the last FTPA rather a lot of fun? Seems to be getting extremely debauched and messy down there at the moment, doesn't it? Which is nice. Well, we've got a real coup for you on Saturday May 26th - Martin Rushent is coming to play some records. That's right - THE MARTIN RUSHENT!!! The producer of those Electropop masterpieces by Human League Dare and Love & Dancing. (Martin has also worked with Joy Division and Buzzcocks and... everyone, he's a ruddy legend...). Cor! We are only just worthy. So we - that's DJ Wanker, A-Dam and Missy Lectric - will see you - that's you - there then. It's a Bank Holiday Saturday so Fuck The Pain Away should be even more fucking wild than "normal". Ya ha ha! X

Newsflash 65

I've given up on superlatives now. But oh my giddy aunts. There's an interview with A-Dam in this month's G-Scene where he says how we keep saying to each other; "That was the best FTPA ever!" We do it every time. It's true. We's on such a roll. Cor! It just gets BETTER!. Thanks to Ben from Psychofags for being so fantastic and pretty and sexy and super cool. Ta to Missy Lectric (But no House next time, love). Thanks to A-Dam for putting on 'Male Stripper'. Cheers to Pee Wee for coming down and bringing the Chromeo mixes. I even liked seeing Stefan there. Most rocking. Hope the technical problems with the right-hand CD player didn't spoil anyone's listening pleasure too much. See you all on Saturday April 28th. Me's playing All You Can Eat in fancy London on Friday April 20th, if you can't wait til then. Big big love.

Newsflash 64

We is back on Saturday March 31st. Get yourselfs ready for some real teenage rampage - we's got Psychofags In Bin Bags playing for you absolutely live, and hopefully nekkid, plus our new resident boy wonder, Missy Lectric is joining us on the decks. I'll try and resist the obvious temptation to play the LCD Soundsystem and The Sounds albums on repeat all night long. Bing bang bong! DJ Wanker XXX

Newsflash 63

Flippin' 'eck, Tucker! Wasn't February fucking cool??? Thanks to you all for popping in and shaking some action. Big love to Punx Soundcheck's Mr John Taylor and Anthony Vicious for coming and playing some smashing records. I think they liked you. Rather a lot. By the way, Punx Soundcheck's 'When Machines Ruled The World' was the official FTPA bestest album of 2006 - so go and get yourself a copy. Now! Their stonking new single 'In The Dark' with Steve Strange is also in your shops now. And thanks to Dick4Dick for having us come play with them the Thursday before. You "guys" "rock"! Shame DJ Wanker turned up with just vinyl, so he could play a set "that's a bit different", only to find out the decks were shot to buggery. Whoops! Needless to say, A-Dam saved the day. Yes, AGAIN! DJ Wanker also enjoyed himself at Dirty Weekend. He went on after one of The Klaxons (Sadly not the pretty one...) and a New Young Pony girl. But best of all he got to play some Fall records - and people ruddy danced! It's FTPA media madness right now, by the way. DJ Wanker is in the current Attitude. A-Dam is in the next GScene. We're both in the next One Week To Live. And the club's profiled in the next AXM. Oh, and don't forget DJ Wanker's unmissable/unreadable column in F*@k magazine every month. FTPA is back on Saturday March 31st for a real teenage rampage - we've got our new resident DJ, the divine Missy Lectric joining us again on the decks and warming you all up, plus the delicious Psycho Fags In Bin Bags playing absolutely live for ya all. It's also our second birthday of being at our lovely new home at Candy Bar. Hurrah for us! And thanks for having us/putting up with us, to Kim, Claudia and the rest of the crew. Can't fucking wait to see you all again! XXX

Newsflash 62

Hej! My fucking goodness. The last FTPA was just so amazing. Like December's, we thought, "Oh, it'll probably be a bit quiet, let's just roll with it..." And then you all flooded in, so we were all sold out at half eleven! I even got to play 'Back In Black' by AC/DC at the end. Wooh! What a night! Endless thanks to Suzanne of No Bra for giving us a truly jaw-dropping set. It's been the talk of faggy Brighton ever since. Respect! We're back on Saturday February 24th. With Punx Soundcheck on the fucking decks! Jesus! This is gonna be so fucking good. A-Dam's so excited he's been tenting for weeks. We've also got the delicious Missy Lectric doing the early thing again. Which is rather nice. And you are advised to get there fucking early for this one. DJ Wanker's playing Dirty Weekend the Friday before, with IDC and New Young Pony Club and South Central. Bring your glowsticks, kids. And the FTPA Soundsystem will be playing with Dick4Dick on Thursday the 22nd at Sussex Arts Club. Bring something Polish. I'm so happy. Hope you are, too. Yeah!!! XXX

Newsflash 61

Happy new year everyone, and thanks for coming on December 30th. We had no idea what it'd be like, as it was that weirdy day before the big one. But oh my gosh, it was fun, and busy! Thanks to Missy Lectric for coming and playing some records for us and dancing so energetically behind the decks - and for bringing the lovely Sam with him - hope to get Miss E back real soon. We'll be back on Saturday January 27th for the first FTPA of 2007, with the fantastic No Bra playing absolutely live for you. Must go, they've just biked over a copy of the new LCD Soundsystem album, Sound of Silver. Wa-hey! Have a good one. Love you lots. XXX

Newsflash 60

Merry Xmas everyone! Here's a present from The Knife.
www.silentshout.co.uk/christmasreindeer

Newsflash 59

Some Polish chums of ours - Elektropunkz - have started doing a night at Candy Bar on the occasional Sunday. The first one was just t'other day. The music is very different to FTPA; ie it's quite minimal and Techy and there are hardly any vocals. But we had a great time, and we heartily recommend you go to the next one. See you there, or indeed, then. Ta-ra! XXX

Newsflash 58

Can Dead Dog In Black Bag have their megaphone back, please? Thanks. X

Newsflash 57

Hej! Sorry, we haven't done a newsflash for a while. But that don't mean we ain't had no news. Hell no! We've been "up to capacity" all the time recently, and have had some rather splendid PAs by ViKtor and the totally swingorilliant Dead Dog In Black Bag- our new favourite band. We're back on Saturday December 30th, for our New Year's Eve EVE Party - you might want to read that again more carefully, love. NB It's the day before New Year's Eve. Tonight we're gonna party like it's 2007 the day after tomorrow! That charming young man, Missy Lectric, will be joining us on the decks. I do hope to see you there. Endless love, as always. XXX

Newsflash 56

Hi, sorry, the website was hacked by Mossad or something, and went down and when it went up we lost some stuff. As you can see Elvina has kindly rebuilt it, doing an even better job than she did on Steve Austin. Thank you! More news soon. Hope you enjoyed our third birthday party last week. It was fucking amazing!!! Thank you all so much, especially Ung & Bastos, and Jonaflid, Mark and Fay for coming down and being so completely wonderful. XXX

Newsflash 55

WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! WE'RE MOVING TO THE LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH - SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AUGUST 26th! XXX

Newsflash 54

Hello again! Goodness me, isn't it hot etc, etc. We're back at Candy Bar on Saturday July 1st - and we're thrilled off our tits that this will be a launch party for Peaches' new album, "Impeach My Bush". It's a shockingly great record, from the naughty lady who's fault FTPA is. Everything we always wanted her to do, basically - filthy most rocking Electro!!! We'll be doing a playback early on in the night. Please get there early, especially as there's no Wet Pussy, so we might get a little bit busy. Expect loads of Peaches and Peaches-related tracks to be dropped in- seamlessly, of course - later on. And we'll have some Peaches goodies to give away to you lovely people, too. Hey, did you know the first FTPA was on the day before her last album, "Fatherfucker", came out, Sunday August 17th 2003? Wo-ah! Call Arthur C Clarke!!!! We'll also be doing this up at Intermission at Ghetto, in fancy London, on Monday July 10th - the very day that the record of the year comes out. Oh, and you may have heard the rumours - yes, this will be the last FTPA on the first Saturday of the month. From August we'll be at Candy Bar every LAST Saturday of the month - starting Bank Holiday Weekend, Saturday August 26th. We're also doing a few bits and bobs over Brighton Pride weekend, August 4th to 6th, but more of that later. Currently spunking all over the new Kitsune compilation, "Maison 2" (that's French for "two", by the way). The Mekon album's pretty good, too. (Bit like being at FTPA at Storm three years ago, but there you go.) Lastly, A-Dam, DJ Wanker, and Fuck The Pain Away all have MySpace profiles now. So come and say hi, and add us. See you all on Saturday July 1st at the only gay club in Brighton that's not currently half-empty on a Saturday night - fact! Love you. XXX

Newsflash 53

Right, we'll see you at FTPA at Candy Bar again on Saturday June 3rd. When we'll be showing off my copy of Peaches' new album, Impeach My Bush. Tee hee hee! But there's a couple of dates for your diary before then. DJ Wanker is playing a new night, My Club at Concorde2 on Friday May 12th, along with Senor Mick, and Eric Kleptone, plus Waxed Apple and Kharma 45 live. It's totally free if you're a MySpace member, too. Under 18s welcome. On Friday May 19th, DJ Wanker is rather happy to be playing at Popjustice at Trash Palace, London, with his old chums Stu and Pee Wee. That's Mr Boogaloo and Mr Popjustice to you. Then he's back in Brighton on Wednesday May 24th, playing a benefit for Amnesty International at The Ocean Rooms, with Shenoda and Faure, and Nylon Rhythm Machine from Catskills Records. I'm "headlining" - from 1am to 3am. Please come. Oh, and Yr Mum Ya Dad are back at Candy Bar on Sunday May 21st, with Punch & Judy Part II, featuring DJ Loudmouth, the delicious Miss Lectric whoring the door, a very special DJ set from Mr Boogaloo Stu, plus a MyBus load of kids down from Londinium. Thanks for coming to FTPA on Saturday. We were pretty pleased as apparently most other places were dead that night, what with it being the Saturday after a bank holiday blow-out, the grand opening night of Monkey, with free entry on offer. There was a particularly great moment when I was so happy I punched the air, and then hurt my hand quite badly on the ceiling. Ow! Fuck!! Etc. I love me. I love Adam. I love Tamzine. Hey, I even love you. We rock! DJW XXX

Newsflash 52

Hello again everyone, my god, we've got a lot on this month. Which is wonderful, isn't it? First up, we'll be playing the hottest new night in London, Intermission at The Ghetto, on Monday March 27th. Expect Electropop from the 80s to the nowies. Then - oh hurrah! - it's FTPA at Candy Bar on- get this! - Saturday April 1st. No, it's not a joke, etc. We've got Camp Actor playing absolutely live, and bootleg DJ Sly Ciccone is coming to play a mad Madonna mash-up set for you all. We've now set the closing time at 5.30am, and you can get in at any time before this. It's £5, but just £3 after 3am. Be there. On Wednesday April 5th, we're back off to London to play The Infamous Mud Club at Madame Jo Jos in Soho, with Dutch wunderkind, Eldit. DJ Wanker's playing something rather nice in Brighton on Friday April 7th, but you haven't been invited, have you? On Easter Bank Holiday Sunday, April 16th, it's Yr Mum Ya Dad's brand spanking new Brighton night, Punch & Judy at the Candy Bar. This one'll be big fun. And you've go no work tomorrow, don't forget. And finally, on Saturday April 29th, A-Dam and DJ Wanker are playing the All Time Top 100 Birthday Party at Volks. This night features DJs from just about every seriously rocking alternative club night in Brighton; Chaos Rocks, Detournement, It Came From The Sea, etc, etc - so naturally Jim had to ask us. Expect some great music and a lot of showing off. Fuck, we're gonna be dead by the end of all this, ain't we? Better catch us while you can. XXX PS We're trying to start a proper email list, and to help kickstart it we have some 2-for-1 tickets to give away for Peaches' playing live at Chaos Rocks at Concorde2 on Friday March 31st. Yes, I know you didn't know she was playing - it's a secret so far. Tell anyone that wants one to email djwankersucks@yahoo.co.uk. First come first served and all that...

Newsflash 51

Right, nearly there. See you at FTPA on Saturday March 4th. It's our first anniversary of rocking Candy Bar, by the way. Happy semi-birthday to us, etc. And the joint has just got a 48 hour licence over le weekend. This time we'll be playing til the last freak's standing, but we'll see how it goes in the future. Let us know what you think should happen; should we keep it short and sweet, or play for "dregs on drugs" forever? And yes, Yr Mum Ya Dad' are coming to keep us company. YEAH!!!! On Monday March 27th, we're taking over Intermission at The Ghetto in London. Us playing Ghetto! Cor!! A-Dam sends his best wishes from New York, where, ironically, he is paying for his airfare by working as a male stripper in a go-go bar. Yours, listening to loads of old Negativland stuff, Miss Kittin - A Bugged Out Mix, LCD Soundsystem's Introns album (which is not available in the shops. Nerrrr!), and the boss new Motor album (By the way, a few people have asked if there is a Fuck The Pain Away on Saturday February 25th, as listed in one magazine that shall remain nameless/hopeless. Sorry, but no. If you get confused in the future just remember ye olde nursery rhyme; "Every first Saturday, we go to Fuck The Pain Away..."). No, we love you more. DJ Wanker XXX

Newsflash 50

Hello again. There's rather a lot on for us in February. But firstly, please can you vote for Fuck The Pain Away in the Golden Handbags Awards'. Ta. Oh, and did you see we were voted Second Best Club Night In Brighton in the Bent Magazine Awards, in the issue out this month? Ha! Okay - well, we'll be back at Candy Bar on Saturday February 4th for more fun and games. Tiga''s rather smashing debut album, Sexor, is out on the Monday after, so we'll be doing an expertly mixed playback at the start of the night, and PIAS and the lovely Tom at The Darling Department have given us lots of very cool Tiga stuff to give away. Which is nice. Should be a goodie. Next up, DJ A-Dam will be taking the very cold option and presenting the FTPA party at Club Pruderia in Warsaw on Saturday February 10th, with a marathon set from 10pm til 5am. Our Polish management company, Qrczak Dept, are supplying thermal thongs to warm up those important bits, as it's minus 20 in Poland at the moment. DJ Wanker will be playing to a bunch of crazed anarchist homosexualists at the Queer Mutiny Valentine's Party at The Cowley Club on London Road on Sunday February 12th, 6.30pm til 11pm. He's been told to bring lots of "romantic slush", so it'll be that plus lots of punky and rocky stuff, and a smattering of Electro. Come, it'll be fun. Over in New York City, on Sunday February 26th, A-Dam meets Man Parrish at The Sperm Party in the Boys Room on Avenue A and 1st Street. (Note to younger readers: Man Parrish was a male stripper in a gogo bar, he was a male stripper in a gogo bar... Adam is already "in talks" about getting Man Parrish over to play at FTPA this summer. Wow! And finally on Sunday February 26th, DJ Wanker will be guesting at Yr Mum Ya Dad's Anti-Social night at Crash in Vauxhall. And, yes, the boys will be coming down to see us all in Brighton again on Saturday March 4th. Hey! Cop a listen to their brand new song, Don't Mess. It's fucking AMAAAAZING!!! Currently also loving the new albums from The Knife, Tiga, White Rose Movement and Pet Shop Boys' Fundamental - it's very Electro, especially the first half, some great weepies on it, too, and it definitely ranks right up there with their first three albums. See you somewhere on the planet very soon, and at FTPA on Saturday the 4th, Electro Pop pickers. Did you remember to vote for us? Oh, thank you. We love you very much, too. XXX

Newsflash 49

And a very happy new year to you all! FTPA will be back at Candy Bar this Saturday, January 7th. And we sincerely hope to see you down there. We've been sent some stonking new records from Felix Da Housecat, Miss Kittin and Atomizer which we're just dying to play you. We also got a lovely Christmas present from DFA Records - an extremely limited DVD of all their videos. Think we'll put this on while we're setting up so we can see them on the big screen. Feel free to come down a bit early if you're a big LCD Soundsystem fan and want a peek. Actually, having said that, if we get many people down, we'll have to start DJ-ing early. Decisions, decisions... 2006 looks like it's going to be another great year for music, with albums due in the next few months from Tiga, Pet Shop Boys The Knife, Siobhan Fahey and White Rose Movement. We had big fun in Warsaw again last month. Different club this time, mixed, and they asked us to get a bit rocky at the end of the set. Meant we could play stuff like Talking Heads 'Pulled Up' and Super Furry Animals 'The Man Don't Give A Fuck'. Both worked so well I may well be throwing them in on Saturday. The Coco Latte Breakfast Club was fun, too. Yr Mum Ya Dad are such great DJs. We're not doing the next one, though. They don't want to do the middle floor as a club space again - so we've been effectively replaced by some comfy beanbags. Not sure if that's humorous or humiliating. Nice to be asked to go "mainstream", though - this looks like it could be a trend in 2006. DTPM have just started an Electro room - well, "Electro House", which isn't quite the same thing. Our chum Jonty Skrufff is a regular guest there. Jonty's gagging to come and play FTPA, and we hope to work that one out real soon. We haven't got anything else on in January. Probably just as well seeing as everyone's broke. But we've got four (!) new things planned for February or March. One of them in particular is very, very exciting, and we're having a meeting to try and finalise things tonight. But we won't say a word about any of them till next month. Oh, and we're also planning something very special for FTPA in March! Tee-hee. We're currently updating lots of things on the website. You can now see our records of 2005 on the Playlist section. Our joint album of the year was Caged Baby's 'Will See You Now'. Mr Baby is a Brighton boy, you know? He's playing at Stompa Phunk at Audio on Friday 20th. Should be good. The other must-see gig this month is the mighty Damian Lazarus at The Ocean Rooms on Saturday 28th. Damian will always have a very special place in our hearts. When we first approached Storm about doing the night back in 2003 we had to explain what "Electro" was - so we made them a copy of 'City Rockers Present Futurism'. Seemed to work okay. So Fuck The Pain Away is all Damian Lazarus's fault!!!! See you Saturday. XXX

Newsflash 48

Only a week to go til the next Fuck The Pain Away. We's back having a ball at Candy Bar on Saturday December 3rd. We've been up to capacity for the last few, so get there early to avoid blah blah blah! Really looking forward to the last one of what's been such a great year for us. Off to Warsaw again on Saturday December 10th, playing Puderia. Fuck me, it's going to be cold! But fun. We love Warsaw. Apart from the food. Then on Saturday December 17th, FTPA is hosting the middle room of the first Coco Latte Breakfast Club at The Ocean Rooms. This is an afterhours gig, taking advantage of the changes to the licensing laws, so it's actually on Sunday morning, December 18th - doors open at 4am. DJ Wanker will be playing, with a DJ set, plus who knows what else, from our very special guests, and our new best pals, Yr Mum Ya Dad. We do hope this night/morning is going to be nice and debauched. But how on earth are we boys going to stay up so late. Hmmm... And that takes us up to Christmas, just about. DJ Wanker would like the DVD of the second series of 'Peep Show', a copy of 'Wall and Piece' by Banksy, some nice vodka, and a new record box. Thank you all. God bless us, every one. XXX

Newsflash 47

Now this is really gonna blow your ankle-length white socks off - just been sent a copy of Tiga's album, "Sexor". Made with a little help from his friends Jake Shears, Soulwax and Jesper Dahlback, from "Far From Home" to "Brothers", by way of "Pleasure From The Bass" and "You Gonna Want Me", this record is every bit as beautiful as Tiga's pretty, little face. Thankfully, it's far more "Bass", than "Bomb", with some great song-driven tracks from the gayest man in Canada. Marry me now! XXX

Newsflash 46

Don't forget, it's DJ Wanker at All Time Top 100, at The Sidewinder, Upper St James's Street on Friday November 18th, 7pm til 12pm - and it's free. Surely the perfect escape from Comic Relief unfunny tomfoolery misery? Come and hear far more records than you'd ever want to by Abba, Randy Newman, Kraftwerk, Godspeed, and The Fall... X

Newsflash 45

Sunday November 13th 2005, 5.15pm, will be exactly one year since the sudden death of John Balance AKA Geff Rushton - resulting in the loss of one of England's most creative artists and the voice of Albion. Wise words from the departed; "Eat your greens, especially broccoli... always wear sensible shoes and remember to say please and thank you, especially for the things you never had..." FTPA say: Please pray for him and the ones he left behind...

Newsflash 44

Busy week, coming up. Fuck The Pain Away Present: A Family Outing on Saturday November 5th. Once again: This is going to get busy early! Monday November 7th FTPA are doing a live mix (!) and chatting about stuff on Jonty Skrufff's radio show on Ministryofsound.com. We've been told it's strictly "No swearing". So introducing DJ Wanker and talking about Fuck The Pain Away's gonna be, erm, interesting. Then on next Friday, November 18th, DJ Wanker's doing his All Time Top 100 at The Sidewinder. We did get sort-of booked to play in Brighton on Sunday November 20th as well, but I think Stefan gave the promoter the wrong phone number, so don't know what's happening there. Wait, there's more! Kim Lucas has just told us she's taken Brighton Candy Bar off the market - which means we'll be there every first Saturday for the forseeable future. Hurrah! Etc... Love you lots and hope to see you soonest. XXX

Newsflash 43

DJ Wanker and A-Dam are both devastated at hearing of the death of their friend, Simon Hobart, on Sunday. Thanks for Popstarz, The Ghetto annd Trash Palace, Simon! FTPA would be impossible without the things you started. Our thoughts are with Tommy. We love you both very, very much. XXXX

Newsflash 42

So the question that's on everyones' lips. Madonna teams up with Stuart Price/Jacques Lu Cont/Thin White Duke/Les Rythmes Digitales to make an Electro album - but is it any good? It sounds AMAZING - but some of the songs don't come across on one listen, as some songs tend not to. One of the songs homages 'West End Girls' - one sounds like Kylie's 'Light Years' track. And it's all mixed - so it's just like being in a gay disco or something. The title 'Confessions on a Dancefloor' is a bit shit, though really, isn't it? I mean what would you "confess" on a dancefloor exactly? "I'm so drunk I've pissed myself"? "I wanna fuck you so bad my dick's turned blue"? "I'm off my cunt on K and I'm tripping that the club's a spaceship and we're all going to Mars"? But anyway, we can exclusively reveal (unless it's been in The Sun already), she's playing Kokon (Ye Olde Camden Palace) on Monday November 14th and G-A-Y on Saturday November 19th. We have asked her to play at FTPA on Saturday December 3rd - even offering to pay her train fare and give her some drinks tickets. We'll let you know what she says...

Newsflash 41

For the next FTPA on Saturday November 5th, there's a coach party of kids and DJ coming down from Family in Hoxton. It leaves the George & Dragon in Shoreditch at noon and tickets are £15. If you want more details or to book places, email family@ml-pr.com. (STOP PRESS: The London coach is now full). And, as we keep saying to you Brighton folk, this one will fill up very quickly, so please get to the club early. Can't wait for this! XXX

Newsflash 40

Stop press: DJ Wanker is playing a secret sort of gig type of thing, somewhere central in Brighton, with DJ Shitlips, this Saturday October 15th, 8pm til 2am. It's free. Email djwankersucks@yahoo.co.uk if you want to come...

Newsflash 39

Who do you thinks taken more cocaine in their lifetime? Boy George or boy George Bush? FTPA say: They arrested the wrong George! Free George O'Dowd. Lock up daddy's little war criminal!

Newsflash 38

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha-ha! That was fuckin brilliant - the busiest one we've ever had! And weren't Yr Mum Ya Dad totally fucking ace? And you got a surprise appearance from special guest the mighty K-tron from Sma5h Tv at the end, too, you lucky buggers. Shall we get the boys down again soon? Really sorry to anyone who couldn't get in, all full-up just after 11pm, but we do keep telling you to GET THERE EARLY. We'll be back on Saturday November 5th - we've got a coach party coming down from London's trendy discotheque, Family, which is cool. Should be great fun, in a Hoxton comes to Brighton kinda way. Busy week, this week. We'll probably see some of you at Goldfrapp on Monday and Vitalic/Soulwax/2 Many DJs - oh, sorry, I've just come! - on Thursday, won't we? And if you're staying in go and watch "The Nomi Song" on DVD. It's a documentary about - you guessed! - Klaus Nomi and it's brilliant. And finally, Holy Moly are selling "Homosexuals are gay" bootleg Queer Bash t-shirts. You can get them here - www.holymoly.co.uk - and they're a "snip" at £18. No we don't get a per centage. Until next time. Love you! XXX

Newsflash 37

Just back from playing Poland - we had a fucking amazing time, thanks for asking. You can read a full report very soon. Until then, come along to FTPA on Saturday and we'll bore you to death with our stories. Thanks to Krystian at Tomba Tomba for having us, and a big thank you to Pawel who arranged it all and showed us round Warsaw. And we've got the mighty Yr Mum Ya Dad coming and playing at Fuck The Pain Away on Saturday. Boy George says they're the best Electro act he's ever seen. And he's not the only one. See you all then, should be a good one. Love you more. XXX. PS Yr Mum Ya Dad are this week's Boyz cover stars! Read the interview with them here www.boyz.co.uk/JJ05/tmPgs/B/interview.lasso. And you can read DJ Wanker's Warsaw tour diary in the new Gscene www.gscene.com

Newsflash 36

And now we are two! Well, the birthday party was fun, wasn't it? You can never beat many a lark and a drama, can you? Great to see you all there. The FTPA cocktail was lethal - we thought about dubbing it "Fucks Bizz". And people liked our "Up Yours!" CDs very much. There are a few still left - drop us a nice email if you would like one - the more sycophantic, the better. We're taking FTPA to Warsaw next week, where we are playing for two nights at the opening of a new club. We're so excited! Tell you all about it when we get back. We're both very keen on being flown out to a different foreign city every month to play some records. Drop us a line if you want us. Oh go on! Then it'll soon be time for Fuck The Pain Away back in Brighton, on Saturday October 1st. We're planning two very special things for you for this one - more when it's all confirmed. Love you. XXX

Newsflash 35

Robert Moog. May 23 1934 - August 21 2005. Thanks for everything. XXX

Newsflash 34

We are now counting down to our second birthday party on Saturday September 3rd. We're currently inventing a special FTPA cocktail to give away. This is quite tricky, as we want it to be yellow, vegan, extremely alcoholic and yet drinkable. Think we're getting there, though. We'll also be giving away some CDs containing some FTPA favourites over the years. But getting it down to just 15 tracks is absolutely tortuous! (By the way, we're currently backdating the playlist section on here, listing top tracks from the dawn of time, go and have a look, if you fancy a stroll down Electro Memory Lane...). Drop us an email if you have any tracks that you think really have to be on the CD. What else? DJ Wanker was in Zurich for Street Parade last weekend - and he managed to miss both Tiga and Tiefschwarz. What an idiot! They have a new drug there that makes you pass out and spunk blood. Ace! There's also quite a good little Electro record shop, Backdoor Records, by the main station, if you're passing. Just been sent the new Tiga single, "You Gonna Want Me". Tiga sings a boy-boy love-hate song to Mr Jake Shears, and Soulwax give them a helping hand. It is, needless to say, "a bit gay", and was practically made to play at Fuck The Pain Away. Until our second on the third, then... Love XXX

Newsflash 33

Now, that was fun, but, bleurgh!, aren't we all suffering now? What a weekend. It felt great starting and closing it, like a pair of Electro bookmarks, only less boring. FTPA on Friday was rammed. Predictably. Apologies to everyone that couldn't get in. Don't say we didn't try and warn you, though. But it did feel good for us to have a queue quite literally right round the block. We popped up occasionally just to have a look and feel a bit pleased with ourselves. It was a sort of "Fuck The Wet Pussy" Special. We both loved it in there. And it was great having Tamzine on the door, and Tommy Turntables was down from London, so we forced him at gunpoint to play a few records - all felt like a bit of an FTPA early days reunion. Played a seven hour set, which sounds rather daunting before you do it, but you get to a certain point where you think you could probably go on playing records for days. Saturday was amusing, too. Particularly liked the street party at night on St James's Street. Very Brighton. Had some friends back after for a little party. Stayed up far too late again, and then before we knew it, it was time to go off to Concorde2 for Queer Bash (Actually, DJ Wanker woke up about an hour before he was due on stage, but don't tell anyone). We started out playing on the stage in the main room, which felt like we were proper grown-up DJs. Took a while to get busy - we opened at 4pm, and it slowly became clear that most people were staying outdoors til the sun went down. Then BOOM! We were really pleased with the turn-out, you lot did look pretty cool (Have a gawp at the photos on Realbrighton.com to remind ya'selves). And everyone told us they had a really brilliant time. There was one point just after 11pm, when we were playing in the front room, and dropped the DFA mix of 'Dare', and the whole place exploded. You sexy dancers! This was our favourite moment of a most memorable weekend. Like Gameover told us afterwards; "you two were really having it off in there!" Thanks to everyone who took part, particularly, Trevor at Concorde2, Mr Mark Moore and Boogaloo Stu. Glad I took Monday off work, though. We're already thinking about the next one. Concorde2 said they really want to do another one next year, maybe on the Saturday night. Yeah! Until then, Fuck The Pain Away is back at Candy Bar on Saturday September 3rd. Put it in your diary, it's our second birthday party. It's when most people will have some money to afford to go out again. See you then, we hope. And thank you all very, very much. XXX

Newsflash 32

Right then, here we go. Just been to Pure Groove for the last big record shop. And a copy of the Soulwax remixes album came this morning! What treats we have in store for you. We are a bit excited, to say the least. Just a reminder, FTPA on Friday starts at 10pm on the dot, and there's no Wet Pussy, so Candy Bar will get very busy, very early, so I wouldn't be too late. And Tamzine's back on the door tonight, ain't that grand? The nicest and funniest emails we get by 4pm Friday, will get on the guestlist. Looking forward to getting royally twatted on Saturday, say hello, if you see us. Oh, and re Queer Ba$h, our "shocking" night at Concorde2 on Sunday, some early flyers don't have the times on - hold on to these and sell 'em on ebay, they'll be worth millions one day. But anyway, it starts at 4pm and goes on until way past your bedtime. There's passes out and prizes for everyone. And we are very pleased with the line-up; Boogaloo Stu, Brighton Bootleg Club, Chaos Rocks, Fierce Girl, IDC, Mark Moore, Ping Pong Bitches, The Readers Wifes, and, of course, us. There might even be a surprise guest there, but leave this with me. But remember kids, this night is "likely to cause offence to some people." And please tell a grown-up where you're going. Hooray for you and us. See you real soon. XXX

Newsflash 31

We've just got our late license for Friday August 5th confirmed, so we'll be open from 10pm on the dot through til 4am! Also Queer Bash tickets are on sale now, at Cafe 22, Pussy, Rounder Records and Prowler Brighton. You can get them online now at Concorde2.co.uk or from Ticket Web. Oh, and I've just got the Tiefschwarz mix of "Ooh La La". FUCK ME!!! See you all very soon. X

Newsflash 30

Well, that was a bit of a weird one. We lost Yr Mum & Ya Dad somewhere along the way. Still waiting for them to tell us where they were, but there you go. Great to see Tamzine there again, though. A-Dam loved last Saturday. DJ Wanker thought it was, you know, okay... He loved playing the Dahlback and Dahlback mix of The Knife's "Pass It On". And "Ride A White Horse" by Goldfrapp, too. But his ears really hurt afterwards. Which is odd. Or perhaps it's not. Who can say? Oh, and A-Dam got asked if he could play "Do You Know The Way To Amarillo". He didn't have it. Sorry. We have't made any big announcement about Queer Bash at Concorde2 on Sunday August 7th, yet, but tickets are selling! Which is nice. And a bit odd. And DON'T FORGET, the next FTPA is on a Friday for once, August 5th! This is a Brighton Pride weekend special - pretty sure we're licensed until 4am, as well. Ta-ra. XXX

Newsflash 29

Here's a bit of a tantalising teaser about the Queer Bash event at Concorde2, the Sunday of Brighton Pride weekend. We've got Mark Moore, Readers Wifes, Boogaloo Stu, Ping Pong Bitches, Fierce Girl, Chaos Rocks, Brighton Bootleg Club, Electrik Cowboy and - best of all - FTPA's DJ Wanker and A-Dam. It's an all-dayer, and you can get passes out and play on the beach or in the Bushes - both are right next to the Concorde. It's going to be the biggest alternative gay event Brighton's ever seen. And it's going to be amazing. You can get tickets now on Concorde2.co.uk. See you at FTPA at Candy Bar on Saturday July 2nd, if you can't wait til then. Love you lots. XXX

Newsflash 28

No, we couldn't afford to go to Sonar, either. Maybe next year, eh? XXX

Newsflash 27

Well, that was a bit fucking special, wasn't it? The busiest and buzziest FTPA, yet, no less. We're so happy. DJ Wanker will be playing at The Illustrated Ape Party at The Sussex Arts Club, on Monday June 13th. It starts at 8pm. If you want to come just drop us an email. Also drop us an email if you would like a free FTPA badge, handmade by Boogaloo Stu. Then on Thursday June 23rd A-Dam and DJ Wanker are DJ-ing at a tribute night to Peter Waters, the man who started Storm and very kindly let us do Fuck The Pain Away there. I think we'll be playing a sort of Homo Disco Disco Disco set. All money is going to Open Door. Aren't we nice? Oh, and a certain night was saying we were DJ-ing there next week. Sorry, we're not. We weren't actually asked - the first we heard about it was when we saw it on a website. But anyway, FTPA will be back at Candy Bar on Saturday July 2nd, with Yr Mum & Ya Dad. Hoorah! Gotta go - just been sent the new Ladytron single. Wa-hey! XXX

Newsflash 26

Right kids, can you get your diaries out, please? Fuck The Pain Away will, of course, be back rocking Candy Bar on Saturday June 4th. We are so gagging to play you the new stonking singles by Alter Ego, Fischerspooner, Tiefschwarz, Soulwax and Goldfrapp. Boogaloo Stu has very kindly made us some Fuck The Pain Away badges which we shall be handing out like sweets at the Walton Hop Disco. And, yes, since you asked, it is okay to think Kelly Osbourne single's very good. It is. On Saturday July 2nd we're hosting the first ever FTPA PA with Yr Mum & Ya Dad. We've had a few offers from people wanting to come and play at FTPA, so we're getting some people down that we really love first and we'll see where we go from there. (To Hell! To Hell! etc) We think we'll probably explode at some point over Brighton Pride weekend. For one night only, FTPA will be moving to the Friday night, August 5th. On Saturday August 6th we're playing the Popstarz Tent in Preston Park. We've been asked to do summit after, but might decide to take the night off and run round town taking shit drugs and chasing boys who aren't interested like everybody else. Then on Sunday August 7th, we're co-hosting Queer Bash at Concorde2, a very big and very special all-day alternative queer, erm, bash. Who? When? What? Why? We're not saying, yet. Sorry. Ask us nicely when you see us though and I'm sure we'll spill some beans. Oh, and then on Saturday September 2nd it's Fuck The Pain Away's Second Birthday Party at Candy Bar. Hoorah for us. See you soon. XXX

Newsflash 25

Tee hee-hee. Last night we did our Fuck The G8 Away benefit gig at Volks. We had such a great time. It can be a bit weird when you're playing to a largely new crowd, trying to figure out what they like. Suffice to say it all went right after we dropped "Superbike": "They love dirty, fast stuff with guitars! So do we! Cool!" We even managed to drop in some Andrew K and "She Sells Sanctuary" (!) somehow. We particularly liked the person who came up and said: "So you're the DJ and he plays the records, right..." One day we hope to figure out what this means. Thanks to everyone who came along - it was a heartening mix of queers, anarchists, queer anarchists and anarchist queers - very Brighton. Thanks to 3Sixty, Gay Times, GScene, The Source, This Is Brighton and, of course, Schnews for giving the night such great plugs. And a very BIG thanks to Ben who organised it all. We're now rolling onwards and upwards to the next Fuck The Pain Away-proper, back at Candy Bar on Saturday June 4th. It'll be "Drunk fun" - as someone rather neatly summed up the last one. Before that A-Dam's playing The Top 100 at The Sidewinder on Friday May 20th. The title's quite literal - Adam will be playing his top 100 or so records, between 7pm and 11pm. And it's free!!! See you there, and indeed, then. XXX PS Eat books!

Newsflash 24

On Wednesday May 11th, we'll be holding a special one-off FTPA Fun Raiser benefit night at The Volks Tavern on Madiera Drive. Entrance is by donation - all money raised will be going to Dissent!, who are organising protests around the 2005 G8 summit in Scotland this summer, and to SchNEWS, Brighton's direct action newsletter. We're really proud to be supporting these two groups that are working to make our world a less terrible place. We hope lots of you will come and show your support, as well. It's going to be a really fun night. FTPA will be back at Candy Bar as normal on Saturday May 7th. www.dissent.org.uk

Newsflash 23

Oh my gosh! That was fucking amazing, as well. Someone warned us before about "Second Night Syndrome" - numbers always drop off, it's club land folklore, apparently. Did they buggery? WE ROCKED AGAIN! The FTPA mix of Vitalic's "My Friend, Dario" went down a predictable storm. The first person who came and asked what it was got given a copy of the new Vitalic album, "OK Cowboy" - God, we're so nice. If you're pining for our tune of the day, you can watch the video here: www.vitalicokcowboy.com. Also loved banging out TDR's "Smoked Out" and the new mix of Aiden Tyrell's "Disco Lunar Module" and Siobhan Fahey's "Pulsatron" and Audio Bullys' "Bang Bang" - at last, a chance to play Nancy Sinatra at Fuck The Pain Away! And weren't Lady Pat's visuals a complete hoot? See you all on Saturday May 7th. Can't fucking wait!

Newsflash 22

We're almost there now! I genuinely can't think of an FTPA I've been more looking forward to than this one. You should have seen me and A-Dam before the last one. We were both so nervous we could hardly breathe. Would boys come to Candy Bar? Would girls think it was a boys' night? But everybody came - which is what we like. Hurrah! On Saturday we'll be unveiling some stunning new visuals on the big screen done by our old friend Lady Pat (Ladypat.com). You've probably seen his stuff at Scissor Sisters' shows, Nag and everywhere. And prepare for the place to go into meltdown when we give the first public airing of the FTPA mix of Vitalic's 'My Friend Dario'. Got a feeling this could be one of the biggest Fuck The Pain Away records since Miss Kittin's 'Meet Sue Be She'. We've both got a load of other really stonking great new stuff, too. Still got all those cheapo drinks deals - including pints of lagers at £1.50. And don't forget the whole place is licensed till 3am on Saturday. See you all then, then. DJW XXX

Newsflash 21

Here are a selection of some of your lovely emails about the first FTPA at Candy Bar: "Tres bonne. Good music. Nice people. Well done." "I thought it was fantastic. A really fun night. You must have been very pleased. All the people I was with had an excellent time." "Thanx for last night - fucking marvelous." "Was a faaaabulous night! Very very pleased for you." "Everyone I spoke to had a great night with comments like "fantastic music" being on most people's lips. Hoorah!" "It was a great night. Well done - it will give another option for people on a Saturday night, and believe me they need it." "Had a wicked time." "Fucking amazing." "It did go rather well, didn't it?" Indeed it did. There's a really lovely review that's just gone up on Realbrighton.com, too! And many, many thanks to all of you. See you all again on Saturday April 2nd. XXX

Newsflash 20

JESUS HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! That was amazing, wasn't it? How about the best FTPA ever!!! Sold out, too! Ya ha ha! That last record, since about nine people asked, was a cover of New Order's "Temptation" from Moby's forthcoming new album - it was recommended to DJ Wanker by Peter Hook, no less. We're back on Saturday April 2nd. No, we can't wait, either. Love you lots!

Newsflash 19

The news is even better than we hoped. We've got a Saturday night! FTPA will now be at Candy Bar, St James's Street every first Saturday, starting Saturday March 5th. And it means we can go on until three in the morning. And we're keeping it at a low, low entry price of just £5 (£2 concessions). And they'll be cheap drinks and that, too. We're made up - see you all then! XXX

Newsflash 18

Just in case any of you are going blue from holding your breath, we'll be announcing our new venue on here at noon on Monday February 7th

Newsflash 17

As many of you will know, we're on the move. January's Fuck The Pain Away was the last one at Storm, as the venue is now under new management. We both thought it was one of the most fun ones we've ever done - so it was nice to go out with a bang. Thanks to everyone who worked with us, wrote about us, and helped us in any way over the last year-and-a-half. But in particular we want to thank Simon Wade and the late Peter Waters from Storm, who were always so encouraging and supportive of the night - and, of course, thanks to everyone who came along to FTPA. We love you! Don't worry - we have a new venue for Fuck the Pain Away, and we'll be making the official announcement very soon. Like the song says; "A part of the weekend never dies..." Love, peace and thanks DJ Wanker and DJ A-Dam XXX

Newsflash 16

KEEP WATCHING THIS SPACE. WE ARE GOING TO BE MAKING A VERY IMPORTANT AND EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT LATER THIS WEEK!

Newsflash 15

I think January's FTPA was one of the most enjoyable ones we've ever done. Loved playing the new mixes of Soulwax's E-Talking. They're all such radical reworkings, you can play all three. Ya ha-ha! Had a copy of the Soulwax mix of LCD Soundsystem's Daft Punk Is Playing At My House, which is storming, but it was one of those uncopyable promo CDRs that the CD player at the club couldn't read. Damn! Loved the breakdancing craze that broke out on the dancefloor at one point, as well. Fascinating factoid: A-Dam played all vinyl last night. And DJ Wanker played all CDs - except for the 12" of Whitey's Leave Them All Behind! Wow! We'll be seeing you all again real soon... XXX

Newsflash 14

You may have heard that Storm is under new management, and there will be a refit of the club at the end of February. But we'll be back at Storm again on Sunday January 9th 2005. Okay? If you can't wait till then, me and A-Dam will be doing the Bring It On Christmas party at Candy Bar on Wednesday December 22nd. It's going to be fun, so please come along and say hello. XXX

Newsflash 13

If you want to buy yourself a Christmas present, these are my ten favourite weirdy dance-type albums of 2004; Chromeo "She's In Control", Le Tigre "This Island", Mylo "Destroy Rock And Roll", Miss Kittin "I Com", Beastie Boys "To The 5 Boroughs", The Go-Team "Thunder Lightning Strike", Spektrum "Enter The Spektrum", Mousse T "Right About Now", Technova "Electrosexual" and the compilations "Ivan Smagghe Presents Death Disco" and "Rebel Futurism". Actually, if you want to get yourself some Christmas presents for free, MVC by Churchill Square has a complete run of all the 2 Many DJs "As Heard On Radio Soulwax" and "Hang All DJs" albums, (they're often not on display, but if you ask they get them from the big drawer beneath the dance albums). These are all the volumes they couldn't get clearance on and are clearly marked on the back "For promotional use only". Which means they can't really sell 'em, so go and ask them why you should have to pay for 'em. Have a nice one and that. Love DJ Wanker. XXX

Newsflash 12

Please can you vote for DJ Wanker and FTPA in the Golden Handbag awards. You can do it online here; http://www.REALBrighton.com/goldenhandbags/ Oh, go on. Please!

Newsflash 11

It was all unbelevably thrilling at the last FTPA. The right deck broke down halfway through DJ Wanker's set, which left him looking like a right dick. (No change there, then, etc, etc). He valiantly soldiered on, though. Him and A-Dam were also unsure whether playing K****'s 'I Believe In You' was permissable. But A) It is a Scissor Sister's song, and B) The Mylo mix is storming, so we caved in and ver kids seemed to approve. We also had fun playing with Dave Clarke at Concorde2. DJ Wanker played some old Hard NRG (Bobby O, Moroder, Patrick Cowley) to a lot of straight teenage lads - and they loved it! Which, perhaps unsurprisingly, made the old perv very happy. We'll be back at Storm for the last FTPA of 2004 on Sunday December 12th, the second annual Fuck Xmas Homo Electro Ding Dong. If you want to suggest favourite tracks of the year - even if it's some old nonsense that we haven't played - email them to djwankersucks@yahoo.co.uk, and we'll do our best to play them on the night. Unless, of course, we think they're absolute shit. And remember, it's not the thought that counts - we want some presents. Right, I'm off to Couch 33 for a drink... XXX